Los Angeles, CA 



Dear Danyol,


I've been a perm girl for quite some time (my whole life to be exact) and I've recently decided to go natural. So I cut off my perm about 4 months ago and have been sporting the natural doo. However, I find that MANY people have now treated me differently. Guys no longer want to date me, co-workers are making sly comments, and even my family have had some negative things to say. I enjoy the freedom of the last 4 months but should I keep it if it's causing so many problems for me? 




I congratulate you for stepping out and going natural. The world of natural hair isn't for everyone. Some people truly can not handle the pressures that come with the backlash, the prejudice, and the snide remarks. However, my advice is ALWAYS to stick it out! Why? Because the people who you NEED will stay and/or begin to walk into your life and be the largetst support structure for your hair transistion. Real men who aren't as ignorant about hair will see you for the natural beauty that you are! I won't lie to you and say that I have to deal with that portion of prejudice because in all honesty, I don't! My natural hair isn't as course a texture and so I don't receive the same amount of prejudice as many others do, yet and still, I advocate harshly for my Curly brothers and sisters who DO have courser hair and get ridiculed for it because at the end of the day, no matter the texture, Natural Hair should be celebrated and accepted as nothing LESS than absolutely gorgeous. Natural hair is BEAUTIFUL!!! With the right products and care, it can be even more fabulous than any weave or perm that one can have. My advice is to continue to rock your natural and educate yourself about natural hair so that when the remarks come, because they will, you can stand your ground with confidence in the knowledge that while your friends and family are struggling to keep their edges and pocket books together, you are flawlessly enjoying being able to go out in the rain and not worry!!! Keep it cute, keep it real and PLEASE keep it Natural!!!! 




Los Angeles, CA 



I have been dating this girl for a little over a year. We've talked about taking the next step and I think I'm finally ready to pop the big Q. But I'm MADD nervous as to how to ask. Any suggestions for a dude trying to lock down a his girl?




I have so many men that have this SAME questions lol, so don't feel like you're the only one. My number one advice is, know your parnter! With a year into the relationship I'm sure you have all that you need to know what would be the most special for her. Some girls like a big, grand gensture, others don't. The magic of the moment is knowing your girls character, likes and dislikes, and doing what you can to pop the question within those parameters. At the end of it all, being asked your hand in marriage by the man you want to be with is ultimately the most important thing. Congrats!!! 





Brooklyn, NY



I'm a Gay college student who's dating a closeted peer. I'm very proud of my sexuality and who I am! It has taken quite some time to get to that point. However, I really love my boyfriend but his need for staying in the closet is starting to really bug me. Like why can't he just tell people. It's 2015!! It's not like he keeps me a secret but when it comes to his family I'm still his "friend". Needless to say I'm not brought around often! HELP!!! What is a queer to do? 




I'm sure it is difficult to be an out gay man dating someone who isn't. However, I'm sure you knew, when you started dating, that he was, in fact, in the closet. The choice to move forward (considering what you were able to deal with or not) should have been made at THAT point. If the isssue of him being closested is too much for you to handle now, then I would suggest you two have a discussion about where this relationship can go. Understanding that his family structure might be too important for him to lose if, in fact, they do not approve, might be a deal breaker for the relationship. On the flip side he needs to understand that to risk losing his love is also a possible reality. How much of his closetness affects the actual relationship? The two of you need time to communicate with one another on what's possible, what's realistic and at the end of it, what's going to happen to your relationship becuase of those things. Maybe he just needs time and encouragment, maybe you need to find a new boyfriend that isn't in the closet. Whatever the decision, you guys NEED TO TALK!!!! 





Los Angeles, CA 



Valentines day is around the corner and the guy I'm dating hasn't asked me ANYTHING! Should I expect a special date being that we're dating? Why hasn't he asked me what I'm doing for Valentines Day?!




First and foremost, how long have you been dating? If you're only about 3 dates in, then no, I wouldn't expect anything special. However, if you're a month or more in then that is a bit concerning. There are a number of reasons why he hasn't asked you anything; one being that he could be planning a surprise and wants to throw you off by not saying anything about it. In any case if it bugs you that much and causes you some level of angst then you should bring it up in conversation. 





Los Angeles, CA 



I'm dating a man that I've been with the last 5 years and I can't help but think that marriage is not on his menu. I would LOVE to get married but I just keep waiting for him to ask me and it never happens. Do you think something's wrong with me? 




5 years is a long time to date someone and the topic of marriage not come up. Have you ever had the marriage conversation? If not, it sounds like you are expecting him to read your mind about a topic that neither one of you (I'm assuming) has had. If he's been with you for 5 years I hardly think that there's something wrong with you but I would definitely break the ice by starting a dialogue about the subject. Until you have the proper conversation I wouldn't jump to any irrational conclusions. 





Trenton, NJ



I'm a part time office clerk but I hate my job! I'm really in love with Fashion and want to pursue it full time but I'm afraid of quitting my job. What should I do? 




I'm a number one fan of following one's passion, especially if they're good at what they're passionate about! However you have to be a bit practical. If you feel like you can pursue Fashion without totally putting yourself in the poor house or out on the street I say go for it! However, Fashion is a VERY expensive and risky industry, so you may have to weigh out your options to see if you actually NEED a part time job while you pursue your passion. I"m not saying stay at the job you're at and be miserable, but if not that job you may need SOMETHING. I wish you all the best in your Fashion endeavors! Make sure you create something for me to wear!!!  





Los Angeles, CA 



Why do men hate to share their feelings? I know my dude loves me but it's like he can NEVER express that to me. I'm tired of always having to, "just know". 




Men are not as expressive verbally as women tend to be. Men are more apt to show you their affection with gifts or actions. However if the relationship is sufferring because of the lack of verbal communication I would suggest counseling for the both of you. That way you have an obective third party and you can express your need for verbal validation of affection and he can learn that although it might not be something he's used to, you are someone who needs it. 





New York City, NY 



I have a crush on this sistah in my office. I wanna do something special to ask her out but how do I holla at her without sounding corny? 




Number one misconception is that you have to make this grandiose  gesture. Most women just want a man that's going to be real without the games or fancy fluff that they're not going to keep up if a dating siutation occurs. My advice would be to say 'hi' and invite her to get some coffee or take her out to lunch. Allow whatever happens to happen organically. 




Los Angeles, CA 



What do you do when your sidechick gives you crabs? 




You learn to stop cheating on the girl you're with! Oh and take a trip to the clinic for some meds/creams.





Los Angeles, CA 



How do I get a guy to like me?




It really depends on the guy you're trying to attract. Men (much like women) are all different. I would say just be yourself and allow your authenticity to attract to you the men you need in your life. Don't start doing something that's not authentic JUST to get a man. Cause if you catch him you then have to continue the facade to keep him; that's a waste of time!  





San Diego, CA 



Is it ok to be in a relationship with a guy and a girl at the same time if you're bisexual? 




I would have to say ABSOLUTELY NOT! Of course that is one bloggers opinion but you asked so I told you lol! I think that people who use bisexuality as an excuse not to be monogomous are people who really just are afraid of committment and can't admit it. Getting to know ONE person is hard enough and you want to split that time in an exclusive relationship trying to do double the work?! I can speak from experience that I was in a situation where I dated someone who was bisexual and they (after making me think I was the only one for about 5 months) told me they had a girlfriend and she knew about me and was perfectly ok with it. I (in my dumb youth) went along with it because of the love I had for this person. The reality was I didn't want to share someone that I was supposed to be in a committed relationhip with, with someone else! However, when you put someone in that position you force them to choose between your selfishness and their love for you. In the end SOMEONE ALWAYS GETS LEFT OUT!!!! And it ends really badly. Now if you're a swinger type threesome that has no problem sharing all the way round...then do what the three of you think is best. My vote would be HELL NO!!! Stick with one or the other at one time.  




Los Angeles, CA 



I'm married to a really wonderful man. He's practically everything I've looked for: hard working, funny, handsome, and protective of me. However the sex isn't bomb! We both had been very sexual in past relationships and decided in our courtship that we would do it the right way, no sex till marriage. So when we got married I couldn't WAIT to get it in but not only is the sex not bomb he's not as big as I'm used to. What am I supposed to do? Sex isn't everything but a marriage needs good sex! At least mine does!  




Marriage is about give and take, first and foremost. I commend you both for waiting till marriage to have sexual relations with one another, that is not an easy task in this day and age! With that said you took vows for better or worse. If this man is such a wonderful man you might want to have a conversation with him and let him know that you're not being sexually satisfied. Allow room for the issue to be resolved before thinking that this is the end. Marriage, like any relationship, MUST have healthy, effective communication in order to work. You might want to look up some couples sex thearpists in your area and look into some options that might help your husband and you in the bedroom. There are many ways to get you to a place of sexual euphoria. You both might just have to be a little more creative. 




Los Angeles, CA 



I hate my mother! She's a selfish trashbag that has never really had my back. I'm in a position where my brothers feel like I should be helping out with her because she's sick and I don't feel like I should. I mean I don't feel like I should help her when she hasn't done much for me. What would you do? 




Mom's are difficult, unfortunately, good, bad, or indifferent you only get one. The level of anger and hate that comes across in your question would suggest to me that you have some unresolved issues with your mom that you need to address. I highly suggest counseling or therapy. It truly does help! I myself don't have the best relationship with my mother for reasons that go back years. However, I had to learn to get to a place to love her from a distance while still doing what I can from where I am in our relationship. I didn't get to that place on my own either. Our parents do with us the best they can with what they have, what they were given , and what they know. That is in NO way an excuse for abusive behavior or neglect or any other issue that might not be the best parenting style. It does however, mean that just like you, your mom may have some things that she needs to deal with and address. Whether she does or not you have to get to a place where you can (like me) love your mom from a place of honest truth without giving her room to hurt you any further. Sometimes our parents just are who they are going to be! Point, blank and period! You can still be the better person and as a son do what's best for the both of you. 




Los Angeles, CA 



Would you ever plot revenge against someone who has done you dirty? 




When I was younger there were plenty of times when revenge was the very best thing I thought I could do. However, now that I'm older I realize revenge usually involves hurting other people other than the one you originially intend to hurt OR doing something that could cause long term damage to your own life. At the end of the day life has a way of teaching people who have done us wrong the appropriate lessons. It might be hard right now but my honest advice is to let whatever it is go. 





Boston, MA



How do you know if you have an STD? 




First and foremost there are SOOO many STD's that one can catch and they all have their own set of symptoms. Usually burning and itching are a clear sign that you need to get checked out. My advice to you would be to head to the nearest doctor and get a full STD scan done. And next time PLEASE USE PROTECTION!!!! Pregnant is not the worst that a person can get! 




Los Angeles, CA 



I found a number in my boyfriends jacket pocket when he gave it to me after a night out and I was cold. What do I do? Do I call the number? Do I confront him? 




If you trust your dude then just ask him where the number came from. If you feel at ALL that he is lying to you or that something IS going on then you should just leave. What will calling the number do? Only involve yet another person into something that should only be between you and your man. Confront him, let your gut tell you whether or not he's lying and if in fact he is, get your stuff and move on!




San Diego, CA 



My little sister and I have alway been close but she recently told me that she's been dating a girl for the last 3 months. How could I not know that my sister is a lesbian!!? What do I do now? She doesn't want me to say anything to our parents but they've already been kind of suspicious about what my sister has been up to. I don't know what to do. HELP! 




There's nothing for you TO do other than respect your sister's discretion. Obviously if she's in an unhealthy situation I'm all for opening your mouth and getting some help but outside of that there isn't much for you to do. Aside from continuing to be there for your sister. Continue to love her and treat her as you always have. And know that by sharing with you this part of her that she's given you a level of trust that she hasn't given too many others. 



Los Angeles, CA 



I am a single mother who met this great guy and we landed up having sex. I later found out that he's married! I'm not one for being the other woman but the sex was REALLY great and he's such a great guy. What should I do? 




First and foremost married men are a NO, NO! You can't possibly think this guy is a great one if he cheated on his wife! Whether you're for being the other woman or not, you ARE the other woman. The fact that you are asking what to do is a telling sign of where you are in your life. However my advice to you is this: Take the great sex that you had as a courtesy and do NOTHING!!! He's married! You're a single mother who should be making decisions that benefit you and your child alike. Messing with a married man is a slippery slope that you shouldn't want to slide down yourself let alone with a child. 





Atlanta, GA 



I have this guy who's really into me and who I like as well. However I live in the ATL and there are DL gay dudes EVERYWHERE! How can I tell if this dude is gay? I don't have time for games!




Being gay is not a disease for which you can look for symptoms. That being said, if you feel like your dude could be DL then find you another dude! If he IS DL then he's not completely available to you and if he isn't but you have feeling that he is then you're not completely available to him. Either way it's a bad situation. 





Los Angeles



I have a friend who is ALWAYS complaining to me about some dude that she has history with but isn't dating. I don't feel like hearing it anymore but I know she needs to vent to someone! How should I handle this?




Venting is generally a part of any friendship, however, sometimes the venting can be too much. If you're friend is running in the same cycle and you're tired of the cycle then you have a right to speak your mind about it. Evaluate the type of friendship you have. Is this friend the type that can understand that you no longer want to hear the same stories? Do you think this friend will be offended?  There is always a give and take and sometimes we just get to a point of no return. Your friend may, in fact, need to vent but hopefully you're not the ONLY one she can vent to. 





Brooklyn, NYC 



My friend just told me he was HIV positive. I've known him for years, we've clubbed, we've hung out and done all kinds of things together. I don't know what to do with this information though. I kind of feel like he got what he deserved being so promiscuous and all with several partners through the years. Now I feel weird to be around him. I don't want to use the same utensils or anything that might cause me to be at risk of catching this. What should I do? 




Let me start by saying that it would behoove you to educate yourself on HIV and how it spreads and infects people. Friendship aside there is no reason for you to be ignorant to that knowledge being that it is so common in today's sexual society. If this is your friend (and I'll be honest, your definition may need to be double checked) then this is not something that should ruin your friendship! Your friend has found out about something that is life changing for him. Support and understanding are major parts of his ability to deal with and navigate through this diagnosis. I can assure you that you are NOT in danger of anything by using the same utensils, being in the same room, hugging or touching him. Furthermore HIV (like any other disease) is not a punishment, it's a role of the dice in life. Any one of us could fall victim to such a diagnosis. Even if it were a punishment we are not the ones to determine that! If he is your friend you will do what a good friend SHOULD do and be by his side; helping him get through this with encouragement, love, respect, integrity, patience, and prayer. I understand your initial fear and hesitation, however, knowing the information can ease 99% of that. I have a friend of my own who was diagnosed a while back and I watched soooo many people turn their backs on him. People who claimed to be there forever, who drank with him, partied with him and then just up and vanished in his time of need. He's my friend and there was NO WAY in hell I was going to allow him to feel alone through this. Sounds to me that you need to evaluate and define what being someone's friend is and let that guide your decisions. I pray for your friends well being as well. That isn't an easy thing to have to share with someone. 





Los Angeles, CA



What do you think about having 3-somes or 4-somes? 




If you're in a relationship absolutely NO GO! I don't believe that intamcy should be shared between more than 2 people in a realtionship. As someone who is single that's a little muddy for me to say. I personally don't believe it's the right thing to do however, I've exlpored and have had my fun in my younger years to find out that for me it became something I didn't have an interest in. Later as I got more into my Spritiual journey it just became something that I didn't deem worth my spiritiual, emotional or moral integrity. But again that is MY opinion for MY life based on MY experiences.   






Paris, France



Happy Birthday, Are you single?




Thank you so much for the birthday love. All I will say is that I'm very happy with life at this time. 





San Francisco, CA 



No questions just wanted to say Happy Birthday man. Great stuff happening on your site. LOVE your blog post topics!  




Thank you so much I strive to bring you great content!





Los Angeles, CA



Did you see the RHOA renunion? If so what did you think about what went down with Kenya and Porsha? 




Yes I did watch it. I don't agree AT ALL with Porsha's choice to assault Kenya, however, I understand why the choice was made. People feel like they can come for you and as long as they don't touch you they feel the taunts and provoking should remain without physicality. However, we are humans with phsyical, emotional and even mental breaking points. Kenya can't sit there and provoke someone with scepters and bullhorns expecting nothing to happen all of the time. Porsha obviously was at her breaking point and Kenya fueled that fire. Much like her actions at the Pillow Talk Kenya needs to accept responsibility for the part SHE played. Porsha on the other hand needs to know who she's dealing with and act accordingly! I don't agree with her attacking Kenya and as a grown woman she should have been able to control herself much better than she did. She let a momentary emotion put her in a position to potentially suffer some long term (if not permanent) consequences. Do I think she deserves to be fired? No! I do, however, think that Bravo needs to assess what happened and realize that people can't just do and say what they want on a reunion show without some major things popping off!!!



Los Angeles, CA



Hey Danyol Jaye, me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year now and he asked me something the other day that has me all f***ed up! He said that he loves me but he's sexually attracted to other women. And because he doesn't want to cheat he wants to know if we can have a f***ken open relationship! I love him I do but I don't want to sleep with anyone else other than him and the fact that he doesn't feel the same hurts and just pisses me off! What do you think I should do? 




First and foremost, you have to know your worth. Second you have to know what your definition of love is. In almost every other language love has different intensities therefore different ways to say it. In English it's just one word with a million different meanings and ALL of them confusing to decipher. So even though your boyfriend SAYS he loves you is asking you to have an open relationship something that lines up with your definition of what love is for you?  Can you really be in a "raletionship" with someone while having sex with whomever you want? My own personal worth would lead me to tell him (if I were you of course) that if he wants an open relationship then he can have a single man! 





Yorba Linda, CA 



How come your YouTube videos are so inconsistent? I love JayeSpotTV to death and I want more! Get with it Danyol Jaye! I need my reviews: RHOA, Scandal, M2M, etc...  




I've been in the middle of a huge business and personal move so it's been difficult to sketch out time to do the review videos. I'm glad that you love them so much and I promise to bring them to you more consistently in the near future. 





Atlanta, GA



I have a serious problem. I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks and we finally decided to have sex. But in the heat of the moment we didn't use protection. How do I go about telling him I'm HIV Positive? Or do I just say nothing and use a condom going forward.




Unfortunately we have all made mistakes in the past, most of them tied to some sexual experience. Being HIV Positive is something that not only affects you it either indirectly or directly affects others in your life. In this case it's directly. You have a responsibility to let this guy know that his life may have been comprimised in a moment of passion. It might be difficult, he may not forgive you, it may all end the moment the words leave your mouth or he may be understanding and try to move forward but you OWE him the knowledge. He deserves to know so that he can then go and get tested and make an informed decision about his own life. One thing we must never take from someone else is their choice. You have the power to give him his choice back. 





Los Angeles, CA 



How do you break up with someone easily?  




There's really no easy way to break up with someone unless BOTH of you no longer want to be together. If it's not a mutual thing then someone is bound to get hurt. 





Miami, FL



I met this girl at a club and had a really banging time. We had a one night stand but I kind of want it to be more than that. She never gave me her number though. How do you suggest I find her to link up again?




The simple answer is you don't! One night stands are simply that: ONE night stands. If she felt the same as you trust me she would have given you her contact info. Trying to search for her would put you in the creepy stalker file and I'm sure you don't want that.  





Los Angeles, CA 



Hey DJ, I'm 20 years old and still living with my parents. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 1 and a half now. He has an apartment of his own (he's 24) and I recently just found out I'm pregnant. He doesn't know and neither do my parents. I have no idea if I even want to keep it. What do you think I should do? 




This is a tough one, particularly because at the end of the day it IS your body and your choice. However, there are a few layers we need to deal with.  Let's start with your parents. Because you are still living in their house I think you owe it to them to let them know. If you infact decide to keep this baby you're going to need as much help as you can and you can't walk in one day with a baby and expect your parents to just be ok. They deserve to know and you deserve to have them available to help you make an informed decision. As for your dude, he DEFINITELY needs to know. A year and a half is a long time to be dating and as adults you both should have the conversation about taking care of your responsibilities. Especially if a child is expected. Do you both WANT to be parents right now? CAN you both be parents right now? If you two decide to have the baby and take care of it would you move in with him? Would you get married? These are ALL things that need to be discussed. In the end if you decide to keep it I think you need to be as honest as you can with the people who are going to be a part of this childs life (i.e the father and grandparents). If in fact you decide NOT to have the baby that is a decision that you shouldn't have to make alone or a process in which you want to go through alone and have to hide. I wish you the best of luck in whatever the decision and I pray that it all works out for the best. 




Atlanta, GA



What do you do when you're best friend is dating someone that you're extremely attracted to and you feel they feel the same about you? 




Boo's of friends (along with boo's of ANYONE) are simply OFF LIMITS! Cheating and infidelity is never an ok thing or a good idea, no matter who it's with. If your bestie and this person are excusively dating, i.e they are titled, you need to get you somewhere and SAT DOWN and control your urges. If they are just casually dating (1 or 2 dates) then tell your best friend so that the two of you can have an adult conversation about it. Your bestie may not deem it worth it if it's going to cause the friendship problems. 





Los Angeles, CA 



Danyol, I'm 17 and I've never had sex before. All my friends are sexually active but I just wasn't brought up in a way to think that sex before marriage is ok. Now in all honesty I do get horny as hell sometimes but to just find some random girl to do it to just for the sake of doing it  makes me hesitant. How do I deal with my boys pressuring me to finally get some? 




First and formost you have to understand that peer pressure is a part of life. PERIOD! You're going to come in contact with that no matter how old you get or where you go. So what you stand on is very important. With that said you have to make decisions that work for you and coincide with your convictions. If you were brought up to wait till marriage and that's something you strongly believe in then stick with that! If having sex is what you feel you want to do then be smart about it. Make sure it's shared with someone that matters to you and WHATEVER you might try make sure you are taking all necessary precautions. Sex is a very slippery slope once you've had it. No one should go into it lightly. 




Gardena, CA 



Danyol Jaye are you gay, straight or just metrosexual? I love your style and your super funny but sometimes it's just hard to tell. Are you single or dating someone right now?



I don't discuss personal things like who I'm sleeping with because quite frankly it doesn't matter and that's not a part of the worlds business. No mater what I say there's always going to be someone who disagrees or thinks I'm lying so instead I'll say: I'm Human! Thanks for supporting On The Jaye Spot. 





New York, NY 



I work in this salon and I have this co-worker who is flamboyantly gay. Now I don't care about his sexual preference but at the same time I'm not really comfortable with having him flaunt his lifestyle all over the salon. I think there's a time and a place for everything and it seems like he can't tell the difference between work and being out in some club or bar. How do I tell him to just act normal while in the work place?


Hey Lisa, 


Let me start by pointing out that you're in NYC! The epicenter for the unusual and diverse! To say that you want him to be 'normal' is subjective to what you feel like normal is. Although most people like to place others in a box, you have to try to understand that his sexual preference might have NOTHING to do with his flamboyancy. People are who they are. Point, blank, and period. If his behavior is disrupting the salon or running away business then you definitely need to have the person in charge have a conversation with him about being more professional in the work place. However, if his flamboyancy is just something that bothers you because it's not what you're used to, you may just have to step outside of your comfort zone and get to know him a little better. You can't expect the world to act like you all the time; it would be a pretty boring world if they did. 





Los Angeles, CA



I always like how you keep it real on all the s#*t you do! So I thought I'd try this Ask Danyol Jaye thing out. Here's my issue. I got this girl that I'm feeling but she seems to always throw me off when I pursue her. We went to dinner, had a nice time and everything seemed cool. Then the next night I asked to come see her and she totally flipped the script on me. Start talking about how she don't get down like that and that I need to respect her as a woman, that she's not some round the way hoe. I'm sitting there thinking, "Is this chick bi-polar?" What should I do? I really do like her but I'm not tryna date another crazy. 


Hey Greg, 


First and foremost I want to thank you for the support. Now in regards to your issue: I think the first thing you both need to deal with is your communication. Men and women communicate differently, so there very well might be some things that you are misinterpreting as well as some things she is misinterpreting. You say you asked to come visit her the next NIGHT! How late at night was it? You know as well as I do that certain kinds of night visits lead to only one thing: SEX! So I can understand how she might have taken your request to chill as something else. If you like her you might have to lay some ground rules out so she understands what your motives are. And if she indeed clocked you for trying to get it in, then suck it up and just acknowledge that you got clocked. Dating is hard enough as it is so if you're going to date anyone you kind of have to prepare for some (if not most) of them to be on edge and a bit guarded. 

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