• Danyol Jaye

I'm Almost 30....Where The *BEEP* Is My Life Headed?

What do you do when you're almost 30 and everyone around you is jumping brooms, starting families, progressing careers and you're sitting on the sidelines asking yourself,

"Will I be next? What am I doing wrong?"

The honest answer? Most of us focus on everything else and hope we're not too late to join the party! There has always been the universal "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars," but is there a similarity or commonality in the search for love, marriage and family? Are men and women really that different when it comes to planning out how we want to live the rest of our lives? Society has always depicted women as the sex that yearns for the diamond ring, the white dress, and the 7 tier cake that exemplifies the wedding you want all your friends to envy. In the meantime men are depicted as once happy bachelors who fall into the "trap" of the marital institution for the right woman while losing all freedom and time to play the field.

I venture to say that these views on marriage from the sexes have more than changed in recent years. Men are quickly realizing that a life of player-hood is short lived and time wasted when you're the 50-year-old geezer sitting at the bar trying to pick up the hot chick (or guy) more than half your age. Yet and still women have tried to even out the playing field becoming the cougars who have sustained a successful career all on their own and feel that a young little tenderoni is exactly what the doctor ordered to complete the puzzle. Yet never really fulfilled with being just a side chick or a sugar momma with no real man to take care of her. In any case most of us are at a point in life where the question for those who are looking up at 30 and sadly waving goodbye to our 20's is still the same: What am I doing with my life?!

At 28 I'm still considered, by many, a 'young' man with an entire life ahead of me; having enough of the proverbial time for whatever it is I want or plan to do. However, from the inside looking out, I often feel like I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be at this point in life. I feel like I've only just begun and time is NOT on my side. I work in an industry where the younger you are the more you're worth; and let's face it, 30 is NOT the new 20! It's the same old 30 growing staler with every passing year! I look around and so many of my friends and people I grew up with are married with kids, working on furthering their careers, seemingly happy as a button with the luxury of knowing that the big stuff in life is already taken care of:

Someone to love who loves them in return? CHECK!

Kids they love but drive them crazy? CHECK!

Good job to sustain their life? CHECK!

Nice house? CHECK!

And here I am working a job I don't necessarily hate but isn't my dream job, walking into a studio apartment with no one to say, "Honey I'm home," to, and no little me's running around to bring me joy (or at least pushing me close to insanity).

Thirty used to be the age at which everyone waited for, for a light bulb to come on. It was the age at which women figured they'd be someone's wife and mother, happy as ever. It was the age when men felt like they were just reaching their prime; a career they can be proud of and time to really play the field before settling down at a comfortable forty years of age with some hot woman they'd met on one of their many escapades. However things are no longer the same. Woman everyday are well into their 30's and even 40's with no man, listening to the tick-tock of that biological clock that reminds them, "Hey there girl! I'm dying here!!"

Men are having a premature mid-life crisis at 35-years-old, realizing that clubs, strippers, and alcohol really do only go so far before you're over it. Looking at their life and seeing that they'd given up on their life's goals years ago and settled for a cushy, and sometimes not so cushy, 9-5 job. Often with a string of women who irritate them, possibly a marriage they're unhappy with, or worse, 2-3 baby momma's they're trying not to have to deal with more than necessary.

So what are we late 20-year-old somebodies to do?

I wish I knew the answer! Fortunately we live in a day where technology has allowed us to become our own bosses at the drop of a dime. Unfortunately, because being your own boss is so readily accessible, most of us don't realize that we SUCK at being anyone's boss, so the rest of the world really doesn't take us serious! I guess if you're in my boat or one similar the only thing you can do is reprioritize your life right where you are. Look at what you have and don't have and figure out what steps are needed to making your puzzle a little more complete.

If you have a great job or actively working on your career with no love life, take time to really date and find what you're looking for. Don't be afraid to take a chance and seek out what you need and want in a mate. If you have a great relationship with no career then pick yourself up and figure out how you can get back on track. Go back to school and get it together. If you don't have EITHER, get a therapist and figure out what they hell you've done with almost 30 years of your damn life!!!

The GREAT thing about being an "Almost 30" (or an "Already 30") is that you're not an "Almost 50" or an "Almost 60" something realizing that you've wasted your entire youth and now you're trying to redirect your life. Sure it seems like 30 was supposed to be the defining point but like most things in life stuff changes all the time. The missing piece in our lives can easily discourage us and weigh us down but you'll be surprised at how powerful Hope and Planning can really be. Even me! Sure I'm not where I'd like to be or even where I thought I'd be but I'm making moves today to ensure that when I'm IN my 30's I can at least enjoy them.

It's quite alright to be an "Almost 30" and just figuring it out! Don't let these fake reality shows fool you into thinking that you're supposed to be balling at 25 or 33-years-old with not a damn thing of your own to show for it. With smart work, discipline and dedication your time can and IS coming!!! Until then CALM DOWN, have a cocktail and relax with your other "Almost 30" friends!

#30 #almost30 #life #figuringitout

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