Hi Sir, Nice Tie! Are You A Homosexual?!
What do you do when you’re a young man plagued by the ability to be utterly fashionable and well put together but too questionable to be straight? When women are constantly questioning your sexuality because you don’t fit the proverbial mold? Men everywhere are becoming more and more cutting edge with their fashions. Leaving the baggy jeans, double X shirts and clunky shoes in the past and dawning skinny jeans, printed fitted T’s and loafers or high end, name brand pieces, men everywhere are stepping up their style. However, are women MORE prone to be hesitant because of it? Why are women calling fashion men suspect? I’ve spoken with a few ladies about the stigma of dating in a world where most women would agree that all the good ones are married, the decent ones are taken, and the ones available are either dogs or gay!
It was amazing to me to hear so many women say that they would take a dog, who was less fashionable and an alpha masculine male, before they dated a dude who looked like he just walked out of GQ magazine. How are men feeling about being automatically categorized as a gay man simply because they are well dressed? The question of sexuality seems to separate people almost immediately; men becoming extremely offended at even being asked while having those few who are secure in their sexuality and understand that being a man of fashion or simply a fashionable man obviously would deem such a question.
The question alone, however, just makes relevant a larger issue at hand: that in 2014 we are still (as a race of people) so ignorant as to think that there are tell-tale signs of homosexuality; fashion of ALL things being one of them. Now of course I’m not so blind not to know that if I see a man with a Gucci purse, 5 inch Jessica Simpson pumps, and tons of lip gloss he’s probably not a heterosexual. However, the lines between the Straight community and the LGBT community is so much more diverse than what we may, at first judgment, assume. I asked Lauren of Sherman Oaks, CA what she thought about dating men who are into fashion and she had this to say:
“I personally like a man who’s well put together but not more fashionable than me. I think a man that’s too meticulous about what he wears or how it fits might be suspect. Not to mention as a black woman all flags go up when I see a man in a big loud bowtie.”
Karen from Los Angeles, CA said:
“I need that street swag. I can’t do a man who’s tryna look like he just walked off a Vogue shoot. I need more Love and Hip-Hop or World Star Hip-Hop type of swag.”
Fashionable men are an acquired taste, specifically for many women of color it seems. Now granted there are those few who flock and fawn over the GQ, America’s Next Top Model-esque men but they are few and far between. Not to mention those men are great to look at but most women would never date them for fear of their suspicious profession and look.
My biggest question is this: Why are women looking for the ‘signs’? Why don’t they simply ask if a man is gay or not? Well, I've come to find out that asking a man about his sexuality is to indirectly accuse him of not being a man at all! I know. It sounds preposterous right? WRONG! It’s the VERY reason why women are afraid to ask! They’re afraid that they may offend or turn off said man and therefore ruin any chance of a second or third encounter with a man who’s already in a waning pool: Single and interested in them. Where on EARTH are they meeting these men?
I think it’s fair to say that the fear of insulting a man by asking the dreaded question comes from having asked it before (many times) and men becoming offended. So I pose the question to men everywhere: Does being asked if you’re gay an affront to your manhood? Is it not something that should be asked in a world of men who are no longer ‘clockable’ as being homosexual? With the DL men of the world and pro athletes who sent shockwaves across the world (because no one would have considered them to be gay) is a simple question that disheartening? I can’t speak for all men, however, I would assume that a man’s ego (even in today’s world) tells him that to be gay looks, speaks, acts, and even dresses a certain way. They refuse to think outside of the box that has, for the last decade, been repeatedly thrown out of the window. This idea that the only type of gay man is a gum popping, purse toting, hips swinging type of male is still very prevalent for most men’s psyche. Considerably much like our female coutnerpart. So when asked if they’re gay or not it is very possible that they feel as though if they haven’t given a woman reason to think it why ask?
What these type of men don’t understand is that asking the question doesn’t mean you’ve exhibited any behavior (or in some cases you might have) but that in this day and age it’s simply a question that women SHOULD be asking and feel like they NEED to ask. It’s like asking someone if they have any STD’s. MOST STD’s are no longer the death sentence they once were and people everywhere are walking around looking like healthy, normal human beings. Just because someone doesn’t look like they have herpes or HIV should the question not be asked? Of course that's not to compare homosexuality to a virus on any level but you get my point.
At the end of the day I simply feel this way: MEN-Stop being so butt hurt about being asked the question. WOMEN- Stop assuming that a nice outfit or knowledge about the latest fashion trends are automatic signs that a man is gay. I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, or a green muppet on Broadway, everyone wants to look good!